It’s taken a while for me to find the words to express my sadness and shock at the sudden loss of the remarkable music icon Michael Jackson. Michael has been there my whole life and I don’t remember a time when he wasn’t. His music has always been in my head, in the background, like a constant whisper. My father played his music, my mother had her favorite songs, and my brother, well… growing up there was a time when I thought he was Michael Jackson.
The past two months I’ve been running in Central Park in the Northern Woods. Every morning I get up, put on my ipod, press shuffle and go. At first, it wasn’t easy for me to run as getting my breath and body moving in rhythm was a struggle. But one morning while running in the deepest part of the woods, “Wanna be Startin’ Somethin’ ” played and something happened to me. I forgot I was running. I started striding like I did when I was 15. I was leaping over fallen trees and jumping like I was Flo Jo. Then the end ad-lib part came chanting “Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa; Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa; Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa; Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa; Sing it to the world, sing it out loud, woo hoo!…” I cried and ran and cried and ran. Maybe it was the combination of Michael and the air but I finally experienced my first runner’s high. Since then, every morning I’ve run to Michael Jackson.
Upon hearing about his death, I wondered to myself, was MJ speaking to me these last two months? Was he connecting me to his spirit, telling me “stride, continue to strive and never give up.” How did he know I needed his music and spirit to pull me through? I wonder if I knew on some karmic level that his time was coming to an end. I’ve been closer to Michael musically these past two months then I ever have. I heard new harmonies and vocal inflections I’ve never before heard. And, I swore I knew all his music by heart. The builds on each song to the very end compelled me to reach further and never stop.
I do feel as if I’m having a bizarre dream where everyone is playing his music, dancing in the streets and wearing some form of iconic Jackson gear. I hear in the distance that he’s passed but I cannot believe it and I awake to find it’s not a dream. I am still in shock and I will never be the same.
People need to know that Michael Jackson was always fighting for human rights and for people to feel comfortable being themselves. Through his music and videos, he was always showing the injustice of the world and that you can overcome it. He is my hero and my heart. I would not be the performer I am today without him.
My love, thoughts and prayers go out to his family.
All I can say is:
“Lift Your Head Up High
And Scream Out To The World
I Know I Am Someone
And Let The Truth Unfurl
No One Can Hurt You Now
Because You Know What’s True
Yes, I Believe In Me
So You Believe In You
Help Me Sing It, Ma Ma Se,
Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa,
Ma Ma Coo Sa
Sing it to the world
Sing it out loud
Woo hoo!”
-Michael Jackson, “Wanna be Startin’ Somethin’ ” off the “Thiller” album
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR6W4QzfMaY
Love,
Caramella
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